A lot of us have a part of us that is a people-pleaser. A part that is self-sacrificing, can’t disappoint others, or seeks outside approval. Sometimes this part can go on overdrive. When it takes over, it comes at the expense of us being authentic and connected to our own emotions, needs, and values.
When we are younger, we learn from society or our family that to be lovable, we have to make sure everyone is always happy. But maybe we don’t need to continue that conditioning once we grow up. Here is a poem I wrote to this part of myself:
𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞-𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭,
You are always on alert
Attuned to other’s emotions,
Tending to others’ comfort
Your attention always turned outward
Assessing peoples actions
Looking for facial expressions
That convey you still have a safe connection
Being a “good girl” is what you learned and know
Avoiding conflict so you can “go with the flow”
You think it’s better if your needs aren’t heard
I know it’s sad, that that’s what’s valued by the world
I see you so tired; I see us tired
Always being on the lookout, can be so hardwired
I know it’s exhausting to always be this way
“If everyone’s okay, only then I’ll be okay”
Sweetheart, what worries you so much?
What makes you afraid of being disliked?
Maybe it’s time to address this plight
You learned you were more lovable if you sacrificed yourself
But isn’t that a big betrayal we make to ourself?
I understand you were young and needed to be liked
If people were upset, you couldn’t bear the sight
Hey, I don’t blame you. It wasn’t in your control
You did what you needed to get care and support
But we are older now
It is okay if others are upset with us
We can stand disappointment, please just trust!
I beg you, please, let’s change our approach
Let’s turn our attention inward
If you are ready, just say the word
Sure, I know it’s going to be a challenge
But I know we can find a way that is more balanced
Let’s tune into our body
Connect with the gut
Notice what WE need
Let our instincts take the lead
I know it will be scary
We may not be liked as much
But it’s a new journey
And we’ve always got us
We’ll make sure we give ourselves support and care
Don’t worry, little one, I’ve got you, I swear!
The safety, the love, the care you wanted
I’ll give it to you always, completely unprompted
Wouldn’t it be nice to pause and rest?
To know, no matter what
We’ll always be here for ourself 🙂
(Inspired by Richard Schwartz, Internal family systems)
